{"id":10732,"date":"2026-08-27T19:03:19","date_gmt":"2026-08-27T23:03:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/e90-accompaniment-06\/"},"modified":"2026-08-27T19:03:19","modified_gmt":"2026-08-27T23:03:19","slug":"e90-accompaniment-06","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/e90-accompaniment-06\/","title":{"rendered":"Accompaniment 6: Rm 7 \u2014 I do not do what I want"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written for Exodus 90 in 2023, as part of a series of ten reflections on the art of accompaniment.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members\u201d (Rom 7:23). St. Paul wrestles with the complexity of his interior life. Didn\u2019t he commit himself to doing good? Doesn\u2019t he know better than to do what is wrong? Of course he knows the right thing to do. But then why doesn\u2019t he do it? St. Paul expresses a reality that all of us experience. There are parts in us that seem to have different thoughts and feelings, different laws that guide their actions, even to the point of being at war within ourselves. We express this in various ways. Sometimes we talk about the difference between our minds and our hearts, or we say, \u201cThe spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,\u201d or we say, \u201cThere is a part of me that wants to watch the TV, but another part of me wants to be faithful to Exodus.\u201d<\/p>\n

This experience of different internal parts or sub-personalities has been captured in various psychological models. In Dr. Sigmund Freud\u2019s well-known id, ego and superego or in the popular Pixar movie Inside Out<\/em> or in Jordan Peterson\u2019s insights deriving heavily from the work of Karl Jung, we see efforts to capture the inner complexity of our human psyche. St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas also captured different interior movements as they recognized the ways that our internal senses and our appetites can be at odds with our intellect and memory and cause conflicting pressures for our will. Psychologists such as Dr. Anna Terruwe and Dr. Conrad Baars derive important insights from these Doctors of the Church in their own psychological models.<\/p>\n

The Catholic Church has never chosen a single psychological model, but rather embraces all that is true in the human sciences and in fact each model has unique insights to offer. In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model there is a simple conceptualization of the human psyche in terms of sub-personalities, called \u201cparts.\u201d Furthermore, IFS notes that parts relate to each other in interesting ways. For example, there are weaker parts that carry burdens that we spontaneously stuff down or \u201cexile.\u201d Then we tend to post protectors to keep that painful burden from being felt. The protectors are often pro-active, called \u201cmanagers\u201d or reactive, called \u201cfirefighters.\u201d Managers try to do everything perfectly so as not to trigger the painful burden. Perfect performance, foreseeing every detail, and working harder are the realm of managers. They can also serve as inner critics, noticing what everyone else is (and what they themselves are) doing wrong. Firefighters try to squelch the pain of an exile\u2019s burden as quickly as possible by acting out. This can be binging, hiding, blaming, blowing up or even holy activities like going to Confession right away–anything to stop the pain.<\/p>\n

What is the pain we do not want to feel? Often it is some form of shame–some feeling of inadequacy, insecurity, weakness. Shame is the fear that if others were to see this part of us they would surely reject us and separate from us. A part of us feels unworthy of love and belonging. What we need most is empathy in our vulnerability and shame. This empathy is needed both from others and from ourselves.<\/p>\n

For more on a Catholic approach to IFS see http:\/\/soulsandhearts.com<\/a><\/p>\n

For more on IFS applications to shame and purity, see http:\/\/purityispossible.com<\/a> and http:\/\/optimalwork.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written for Exodus 90 in 2023, as part of a series of ten reflections on the art of accompaniment. \u201cI see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members\u201d (Rom 7:23). St. Paul wrestles with the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":10722,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-10732","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P7bfMR-2N6","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":10727,"url":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/e90-accompaniment-01\/","url_meta":{"origin":10732,"position":0},"title":"Accompaniment 1: Gen 2 \u2014 It is not good for man to be alone","author":"Father Boniface Hicks, O.S.B.","date":"August 27, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Written for Exodus 90 in 2023, as part of a series of ten reflections on the art of accompaniment. In his monumental work on the Theology of the Body, Pope St. John Paul II introduced some key terms: \u201coriginal solitude,\u201d \u201coriginal unity,\u201d and \u201coriginal nakedness.\u201d Original solitude described the state\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10733,"url":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/e90-accompaniment-07\/","url_meta":{"origin":10732,"position":1},"title":"Accompaniment 7: Mt 22 \u2014 The Greatest Commandment","author":"Father Boniface Hicks, O.S.B.","date":"August 27, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Written for Exodus 90 in 2023, as part of a series of ten reflections on the art of accompaniment. One question that arises from Jesus\u2019s teaching on the Greatest Commandment is: \u201cWhat does it mean to love God with all our mind or all our heart?\u201d Another question that arises\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10728,"url":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/e90-accompaniment-02\/","url_meta":{"origin":10732,"position":2},"title":"Accompaniment 2: Gen 3 \u2014 The effects of shame","author":"Father Boniface Hicks, O.S.B.","date":"August 27, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Written for Exodus 90 in 2023, as part of a series of ten reflections on the art of accompaniment. The necessary condition for entering into a communion of persons is what Pope St. John Paul II calls \u201coriginal nakedness.\u201d This is the personal transparency that allows the inside to be\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10726,"url":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/e90-accompaniment-00-intro\/","url_meta":{"origin":10732,"position":3},"title":"Accompaniment: Introducing my contribution","author":"Father Boniface Hicks, O.S.B.","date":"August 27, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Written for Exodus 90 in 2023, as part of a series of ten reflections on the art of accompaniment. In the Benedictine, monastic tradition, there is a strong emphasis on accompaniment. Monks learn to be monks from other monks. This only works when monks are willing to be vulnerable and\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10722,"url":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/","url_meta":{"origin":10732,"position":4},"title":"Books and Articles","author":"Father Boniface Hicks, O.S.B.","date":"August 27, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"What I have written, in one place \u2014 the books, the articles, and the academic work. Where the full text is on this site, the title is a link. Books The Hidden Power of Silence in the Mass Sophia Institute Press, 2024 Five movements of silence in the Mass, moving\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10741,"url":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/books-and-articles\/stl-deliverance-kerygma\/","url_meta":{"origin":10732,"position":5},"title":"The Essential Role of the Kerygma and Ongoing Accompaniment in Deliverance Ministry","author":"Father Boniface Hicks, O.S.B.","date":"August 27, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Written for Evangelization and Spirituality (STL 868) under Dr. Mary Healy, 28 July 2021, for the Licentiate in Sacred Theology. Introduction God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ \u201chas delivered us from the dominion of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10732","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10732"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10732\/revisions"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10722"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fatherboniface.org\/wordpresshome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10732"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}